My Anastacia is no more

February 20, 2009 § Leave a comment

I just lost my grandma today. She’s eighty plus years old. We were very close, close enough for her to be my own mother.

Anastacia Soyosa Magallanes, that’s her name. A pretty tough woman, she was able to raise ten children who all graduated from college despite her relative poverty.

She was born in the small fishing barangay of Tanauan in the City of Tacloban Leyte. Her father was a farmer-fisherman who I met when I was still young. My great grandmother and grandfather died when they tripped and broke their legs. This was the same cause of my nanay’s death. Yet, it did’nt happen suddenly. She was hospitalized before Xmas, and I was able to spend some precious moments with her when she was at the Makati Medical Center. She was even the first person whom I spent the first moments of 2009.

My nanay met my grandfather during World War II. They fell in love and sired my mother, the eldest in a brood of ten. My grandfather was a public servant. When he was assigned at the DPWH, the entire family moved to Manila and settled here. That started the good fortune for the family.

The couple left their huge tracks of land in Leyte to settle in Manila. My mother became pregnant with me and I became the first grandchild. My Nanay raised me since birth. I am closer to my Nanay than my mother.

As a teenager, I prayed to God that I die first before my grandmother. God nearly granted that wish so many times. Yet, I survived. Probably, God said it was not His Will to see me die first.

When my cousin told me the very sad news, no tears fell from my eyes. Maybe I have accepted that death, indeed, comes to all of us. In fact, death is not the end all and be all of everything. Death is just a beginning of a New Life, out there, in Paradise, with the Creator. For years, I considered this thing irrational and senseless. Yet, my experiences in life made me realize that, indeed, there is a God out there who created me, and the universe and that eventually I’ll see and meet Him.

I just don’t know what will be my reaction the minute I see her lying in that coffin. As I am writing this, I feel no tinge of sadness. She’s the dearest one to me, dearest than my own self. Maybe they’ll be tears. Maybe I’ll bowl myself to death. Maybe, just maybe, I would want to see her in Heaven.

But, let the Will of God takes its course. Time to prepare myself also for death. Death comes to us all. The sad part of life is that those you love the most, they are those who leave this existence earlier than you. I had hoped never to experience this thing. It would have been the best if I went out of this life earlier than my Nanay. That way, I’ll never, ever, feel pain.


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